My Conversion Story

I don’t have a conversion story. The dog ate my conversion story. I had a conversion story, but my brother spilled his cereal milk on it and then there was this, um, category 5 tornado, and . . .

Not really.

See, in the Mormon church people give talks. Everybody does. Not so much with the preaching and the lectures, more with the sharing and the storytelling. I like that about it. Lots of the people who give talks are good at it, and even those that aren’t, I feel closer to them afterwards. As though we’d just had a short conversation and learned a little bit about each other. Sometimes they are not so good at speaking, or maybe they are but they are on a really academic scripture “kick” and get really excited about digging deep & finding symbolism and connections and *yawn*. . . . Even then, it’s no worse than the sweet but charisma-free Methodist minister in Elgin, MN. And I shouldn’t knock the Scripture Kickers, they at least did their homework. I haven’t even read the Book of Mormon.

This is why I was a little surprised to have a Bishop’s counselor call and ask me to talk next week. They’ve had a “Conversion Story/Where Are You From Spiritually Speaking” theme going since the wards reorganized. It helps us all to get to know each other, and personally it’s been great to hear about the paths that led other people where they are. Counselor (there are 2 counselors, they are like Vice Bishops but it’s not just a title. The Bishop’s job is really too big for just one or two men. It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes 3 men to Bishop a ward) . . . suggested that the nature of the church (any church or community, I pointed out. . . ) breeds a certain amount of “sameness”. And he thought my point of view, as a not-member from not-Utah, might provide some counterpoint and a sense of spiritual diversity. I agreed, and was as pleased as I was nervous about the talk.

Then he stammered that Bishop said, um, if I could just. . . .

. . . and I imagined our awesome, genuine and sweet and most decidedly 100% Mormon Bishop asking him to gently ask me not to curse or gyrate my pelvis or bite the heads off of any mammals, not that he thought I might do those things but he respectfully just doesn’t know how they DO things wherever I’m from.

But no. Worse. He wants me to mention Jesus Christ.

That one made me stammer. Counselor gave me every option to back out or postpone. I explained to him extensively my concerns, he gave thoughtful and helpful response (with more polite opportunities to say no). I told him it would be a challenge, but I was up to the challenge.

See, I am wholeheartedly down with Jesus. He was unquestionably the most influential human in human history. He was a humble teacher who hung out with the poor, the sick, and the people who needed him. He preached a hard line of compassion and sacrifice, and actually practiced it in his own life. Dude. Show me a man like that today and I’ll vote for him. But most Christian sects insist that God is aware of us on a personal level and that we can have relationships with Jesus Christ in this way or that way.

I don’t feel that. I might some day! I never thought I’d be able to say that God knows me enough to answer my prayers. But he did, that one time. So I’m open to feeling a relationship with Jesus Christ and maybe even talking to people about it (or not. I really feel this is all pretty private. I’d love to have the testimony but don’t know that it would have meaning for anyone else and I’d be just fine keeping it in my pocket and grinning about it instead of bearing witness all over the place. . . ).

(Yeah, private)

(So, you know, I’m talking to THE INTERNET about it)

So there’s the challenge. Who knows how it’ll play out. I’ve thought about it so much today that my brain hurts. I can’t just go up and tell ‘em all how funny/kooky they are, can I? You know, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT? Or how about if I used the time to teach them all The Electric Slide? Lecture on Rap’s renaissance in the 90s? OH you know what I need to do? I need to teach the piano lady some boogy-woogie riffs because there are no whiter, soul’less hymns than these. No offense. Just sayin. Nothin' but love for ya :).

Today was not the best Sunday, AK and I have been working too hard and the new routines of the school year are still, um, new. She slept wrong last night and gimped around today all seized up like she had palsy. And then there were the desperate whimpers of anquish every time she moved, poor lady. Sometimes I'm so aware of my need for a day of rest, that I waste my day of rest worrying that I'm not getting the necessary rest. We didn't get in the full range of Gramma Nesting Help that we'd hoped, but it was legitimately too hot and it's been just a few too many days of too hot here in Pine Grove Mills. Given that I'm alright with what was accomplished, even with the level of rest that was or wasn't rested.

Next week we'll settle into our routines a little more. Readers Theater will start to have momentum. We'll actually do more real actual Boy Scouty things in Boy Scouts. I'll get a few more days worth of clients taken care of. And Next Sunday will be better.

Especially the part AFTER I talk to the Mormons on Sunday as though I've got something meaningful for them to hear.

As Dy says, kiss those babies!