Men Don't Cry

Bullshit.

I will, as my Motocross buddies used to say, "hang it out" here (riding wildly on the edge of control requires great risk and also great commitment, we'd say he's "hanging his ass out" where it's likely to get cut off, run over, injured) . . . .and say that the title of this blog is one of the most vicious lies to be propagated by our consumer culture. We're told to be quiet, don't stand out, follow & don't lead. These are some of the ways we can get the good job & the security & the safety. These are the ways we can be safe from the awful spectre of, um, not having status and a new car and a nice house and a big screen TV and an iPodBerry. Fitting in requires acting like the other sheep, doing your job and only your job, doing nothing to bring undue attention to yourself.

Living this life gains us the security I've ridiculed but also gains the legitimate treasures of a 401k, health insurance (losing it's legitimate value by the day) and steady pay. It does not seem to allow, however, for a man experiencing a full range of emotion. It certainly does not allow for expression of emotion even slightly outside of excitment, laughter, or the Real American Man's substitute for all other emotions: the stiff upper lip.

Well f' that. There are multitudinatious pros and cons for me with the LDS church. I discover more on both sides the more I look into it, the more I "investigate" they call it. But one of THE primary pros for me is that these are strong men. The men in this church, generally speaking, are men that I both respect and relate to. These are tired, struggling men who -- like me -- may or may not know what career they are supposed to have or where they belong in so many arenas of life. But these men know that their families are the highest of priorities, and they know that they pass the vital wisdom of life onto their children not by speaking or scolding but by doing and living the lessons in their own life. Every Sunday they model for all of our children the behavior of complete, whole men.

Perhaps not whole in that their careers are together and on-track, perhaps not whole in that they have robust portfolios that will ensure means & comfort for them & their children's future. In my case, if someone asked me "Who are you, Chris? What are you really all about?" I am less prepared to answer that than I EVER have been so you could barely call me whole or complete could you? But I live a whole and complete emotional life. I experience and express the full range of human emotion. I allow myself to be touched and moved and enraged and concerned and proud and sad and ecstatic. My sons see that, and they see it in the other men every Sunday, so they have no reason to doubt that crying is what men do. My sons learn that there are appropriate times to express every emotion they feel. They are not learning, as so many of our "heros" today are teaching, that most emotions are simply inappropriate for a man.