Raisin Toots and The Poodle Stigma
Emily The Horsepoodle ate half a pound of organic raisins this morning. So now we have toxic green clouds lingering around the house like deadly land mines. And you know how even the mildest doggy toots smell raunchy and wrong? Because they came from a foreign intestine? From a whole 'nother species? Well these poodle toots will make a tattooed sailor scream like a little girl. But only for a moment -- the tattooed sailor will asphyxiate and collapse into a trembling, poisoned puddle of former human in only about 20 seconds.
And why is it that a real, honest-to-goodness not-a-girlyman Man cannot admit that he owns a poodle? At least not without qualifying it or making some explanation? So people won't think he's kinky or gay? Mostly this is not a concern for me. Heck I will freely admit right here that I'm all twinkle-toed since I found a DVD of the film (poorly adapted from the Broadway musical) "1776". It's not La Cage, but simply admitting KNOWLEDGE of a musical is enough to convince many men I've grown a vagina.
Well let it be known here and forever after than poodles are loyal, intelligent and wonderful family dogs. I don't HAVE to say it, because you're probably not a male with one eyebrow raised, slowly backing away from me, but I will say anyway that ours is a Standard Poodle and those are the original poodles so they haven't been bred for looks or miniaturized into yippy little nervous-around-the-hors d'ouvres dogs. Standard poodles are medium-to-large sized canines who will (ours will) take issue with any aggro dog at the dog park who picks a fight. But she'll be submissive and obedient for humans. I am not a pet person, but this poodle is turning me into a dog person, it's such a fine animal.
And she only ever has that look, the froofy Priscilla Queen of the Desert doggy look, for about a day and a half after she's been groomed. For the next 7-10 weeks our poodle resembles a Mongolian Camel from ""The Weeping Camel" much more than she does a poodle.
So there it is. I am a manly man, 6 feet, 3 inches tall, and I maintain a consistent panda-bear shape. And I own a poodle.
And why is it that a real, honest-to-goodness not-a-girlyman Man cannot admit that he owns a poodle? At least not without qualifying it or making some explanation? So people won't think he's kinky or gay? Mostly this is not a concern for me. Heck I will freely admit right here that I'm all twinkle-toed since I found a DVD of the film (poorly adapted from the Broadway musical) "1776". It's not La Cage, but simply admitting KNOWLEDGE of a musical is enough to convince many men I've grown a vagina.
Well let it be known here and forever after than poodles are loyal, intelligent and wonderful family dogs. I don't HAVE to say it, because you're probably not a male with one eyebrow raised, slowly backing away from me, but I will say anyway that ours is a Standard Poodle and those are the original poodles so they haven't been bred for looks or miniaturized into yippy little nervous-around-the-hors d'ouvres dogs. Standard poodles are medium-to-large sized canines who will (ours will) take issue with any aggro dog at the dog park who picks a fight. But she'll be submissive and obedient for humans. I am not a pet person, but this poodle is turning me into a dog person, it's such a fine animal.
And she only ever has that look, the froofy Priscilla Queen of the Desert doggy look, for about a day and a half after she's been groomed. For the next 7-10 weeks our poodle resembles a Mongolian Camel from ""The Weeping Camel" much more than she does a poodle.
So there it is. I am a manly man, 6 feet, 3 inches tall, and I maintain a consistent panda-bear shape. And I own a poodle.
posted by Chris at
1:22 AM
2 Comments:
That last statement sounds like it belongs in a meeting of member of a 12 step program.
P.S. We now also have a standard poodle (or at least the genetically dominant part is a standard poodle the other half is a golden retriever). Now about 10 months old and about 55 lbs of energy.
Keep it away from the raisins.
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