Dude-a-Palooza Version Something Point Oh
Max insists this is The 4th Annual Dude-a-Palooza, but I'm just not sure. Some were more officially Paloozy than others. And sometimes we just had a few days so it was a Hold Our Breath Until Mom Gets Back Home-a-Palooza. Whatever you call it, Emily is the house's sole carrier of estrogen until we go get AK from Baltimore next Wednesday. We surely will not equal the enthusiasm of the original Dude-a-Palooza since then (Fall of '04) I was still giddy with the thought of not putting on a tie and sitting in LA traffic every morning. It was as though I was meeting my sons for the very first time back then, especially Ben & Milo. Now we are much closer, and I'm grateful for testosterone-fests like this because they force me to focus on the boys & reflect.
Today we met with Ben & Milo's long lost (well, Summer-long lost) ladyfriends M1 and M2. Perhaps by coincidence -- perhaps due to their being 12 years from having their drivers' licenses -- their father and fellow Super Secret Stay At Home Dad Society member Marty was also there. I commonly and enthusiastically greet Marty & his girls as "Marty Mart & The Funky Bunch". Despite our many bonds & commonalities regarding our age, children & life path, I'm very close to concluding we are on VERY different pages regarding Hip Hop's 1990s renaissance. His quizzical yet polite responses to my greeting necessitate the aforementioned conclusion.
Marty & I share so much in common: 10-11 year old boys, 4 year old twins, careers sacrificed for the family, work-from-home wives paying the bills. Once we get to talking it's clear we have many of the same parenting & fatherhood challenges. It is SO important to have that "mirror" since it assures me (I assume "us") that I ("we") are SANE ("or not"). At least if we're insane we're not alone. And that not only makes insanity palpable it darn near makes it preferable. I'd rather be crazy among friends than sane!
Yesterday was almost entirely spent in the Monster Truck, driving AK to Baltimore & back. That's rough on munchkins but they hung in there. AK brought enough VHS tapes (Monster Truck plays them -- TOtally 2001) that I didn't have to endure that drugged out (how else could she be SO happy ALL the time?) and deaf (that little bee-otch YELLS EVERYTHING!) Demon Dora until just before we were home. The trip down was a breeze, but balancing the needs of 4 very different bladders on the way home made progress painfully slow. If you find yourself driving long distances & having to listen to, but never see (because the screen is behind you), children's videos for hours on end -- try the following:
-During the Leap Frog how-to-read videos, imagine every time they say "vowels" that they are saying "bowels". Very funny. Warning: you may giggle to yourself and resemble Beavis and/or Butthead in doing so.
-Mentally deconstruct "Rugrats" characters and discern their roles in the story, given that the themes are actually very mature. All of the children think & act as adults, they just talk funny. Very funny, actually. Notice how many times in a line or sentence they'll purposefully mis-pronounce a word: never too many. That's what they pay those writers for. Ever get the feeling that Chronicles of Narnia is based as much in Existentialism as it is Christianity? Me too. What philosophy is hidden in "Rugrats"? You get the idea. . . .
Huge storms all night last night. I stayed up for most of it, counting my chickens every 15 minutes and just SURE that every noise outside was a bear getting into our garbage. Isn't it strange that when AK's here I can zonk out and sleep like a corpse, even though she's doing exactly the same, yet I sleep so lightly I'm barely resting when I'm alone? Somehow a cricket got into our basement and instead of leaving insisted on serenading me most of the night. Did he mistake me for a Missus Cricket? Surely he reconsidered, judging by his song's decreasing volume & frequency, after I showered his general area with Pactra Indy Pearl Silver Laquer Spray Paint, Specially Formulated for Lexan Polycarbonate Model Car Bodies. Either he's dead or very shiny.
This morning went relatively smoothly. I think Max got where he needed to be when he needed to be with all the things he needed. Ben & Milo had a Dude-a-Palooza Homeschool Breakfast Lesson and learned about Daddy's good friend: Little Debbie. She covers 3 basis food groups (sugar, foam and wax) and is a part of this (insert photo of complete breakfast AND a Little Debbie) complete breakfast! Isn't it great how they do that with the breakfast cereals? Cigarette companies could show you a muscular trainer in his gym with treadmill, weights & the latest aerobo-gimmick (Abstep, Thighroller, Buttcruncher etc. . .)-- and a box of cigs. "Marlboro cigarettes are a part of this healthy lifestyle!"
Lunch was uneventful, and while it was preprepared & microwaveable it was better than Little Debbie. I'm cleaning a little as I go instead of doing nothing but tear down & declutter as is my habit when faced with a week of living in the house (instead of my workshop).
Notes for my wife in CA: Honey, your hay is really really wet. I hope this will not affect it's ability to do whatever it's job was when you return. Unless of course it's job was to stand in our driveway like a white trash statue of liberty, in which case it's still doing it's job admirably. And I'm sorry but I threw away the watermelon-like produce item that's lived on our counter for a few weeks.
Presently your sons are handling a serious crisis: In an attempt to remove Thor from the other green comfychair, Milo threw Ben's "Batty" stuffed bat, hoping Thor would chase it. Thor only snorted, but now Emily is chewing Batty's head off. Ben is atwitter over this, but cannot enlist Milo's help since Milo has decided to read a book to Thor. Tiring of yelling at Milo, Ben has now placed a football, a package of paper bowls and a package of paper plates into the chair with Thor. Thor has relented and now searches the kitchen for quesadilla droppings, Milo is victoriously (and with Dora-esque volume. . . ) singing the We Did It Song, and Ben is shot-putting the paper bowls package against the closet doors.
So, you know, SNAFU. Situation Normal: Always Freaking Unreal
Today we met with Ben & Milo's long lost (well, Summer-long lost) ladyfriends M1 and M2. Perhaps by coincidence -- perhaps due to their being 12 years from having their drivers' licenses -- their father and fellow Super Secret Stay At Home Dad Society member Marty was also there. I commonly and enthusiastically greet Marty & his girls as "Marty Mart & The Funky Bunch". Despite our many bonds & commonalities regarding our age, children & life path, I'm very close to concluding we are on VERY different pages regarding Hip Hop's 1990s renaissance. His quizzical yet polite responses to my greeting necessitate the aforementioned conclusion.
Marty & I share so much in common: 10-11 year old boys, 4 year old twins, careers sacrificed for the family, work-from-home wives paying the bills. Once we get to talking it's clear we have many of the same parenting & fatherhood challenges. It is SO important to have that "mirror" since it assures me (I assume "us") that I ("we") are SANE ("or not"). At least if we're insane we're not alone. And that not only makes insanity palpable it darn near makes it preferable. I'd rather be crazy among friends than sane!
Yesterday was almost entirely spent in the Monster Truck, driving AK to Baltimore & back. That's rough on munchkins but they hung in there. AK brought enough VHS tapes (Monster Truck plays them -- TOtally 2001) that I didn't have to endure that drugged out (how else could she be SO happy ALL the time?) and deaf (that little bee-otch YELLS EVERYTHING!) Demon Dora until just before we were home. The trip down was a breeze, but balancing the needs of 4 very different bladders on the way home made progress painfully slow. If you find yourself driving long distances & having to listen to, but never see (because the screen is behind you), children's videos for hours on end -- try the following:
-During the Leap Frog how-to-read videos, imagine every time they say "vowels" that they are saying "bowels". Very funny. Warning: you may giggle to yourself and resemble Beavis and/or Butthead in doing so.
-Mentally deconstruct "Rugrats" characters and discern their roles in the story, given that the themes are actually very mature. All of the children think & act as adults, they just talk funny. Very funny, actually. Notice how many times in a line or sentence they'll purposefully mis-pronounce a word: never too many. That's what they pay those writers for. Ever get the feeling that Chronicles of Narnia is based as much in Existentialism as it is Christianity? Me too. What philosophy is hidden in "Rugrats"? You get the idea. . . .
Huge storms all night last night. I stayed up for most of it, counting my chickens every 15 minutes and just SURE that every noise outside was a bear getting into our garbage. Isn't it strange that when AK's here I can zonk out and sleep like a corpse, even though she's doing exactly the same, yet I sleep so lightly I'm barely resting when I'm alone? Somehow a cricket got into our basement and instead of leaving insisted on serenading me most of the night. Did he mistake me for a Missus Cricket? Surely he reconsidered, judging by his song's decreasing volume & frequency, after I showered his general area with Pactra Indy Pearl Silver Laquer Spray Paint, Specially Formulated for Lexan Polycarbonate Model Car Bodies. Either he's dead or very shiny.
This morning went relatively smoothly. I think Max got where he needed to be when he needed to be with all the things he needed. Ben & Milo had a Dude-a-Palooza Homeschool Breakfast Lesson and learned about Daddy's good friend: Little Debbie. She covers 3 basis food groups (sugar, foam and wax) and is a part of this (insert photo of complete breakfast AND a Little Debbie) complete breakfast! Isn't it great how they do that with the breakfast cereals? Cigarette companies could show you a muscular trainer in his gym with treadmill, weights & the latest aerobo-gimmick (Abstep, Thighroller, Buttcruncher etc. . .)-- and a box of cigs. "Marlboro cigarettes are a part of this healthy lifestyle!"
Lunch was uneventful, and while it was preprepared & microwaveable it was better than Little Debbie. I'm cleaning a little as I go instead of doing nothing but tear down & declutter as is my habit when faced with a week of living in the house (instead of my workshop).
Notes for my wife in CA: Honey, your hay is really really wet. I hope this will not affect it's ability to do whatever it's job was when you return. Unless of course it's job was to stand in our driveway like a white trash statue of liberty, in which case it's still doing it's job admirably. And I'm sorry but I threw away the watermelon-like produce item that's lived on our counter for a few weeks.
Presently your sons are handling a serious crisis: In an attempt to remove Thor from the other green comfychair, Milo threw Ben's "Batty" stuffed bat, hoping Thor would chase it. Thor only snorted, but now Emily is chewing Batty's head off. Ben is atwitter over this, but cannot enlist Milo's help since Milo has decided to read a book to Thor. Tiring of yelling at Milo, Ben has now placed a football, a package of paper bowls and a package of paper plates into the chair with Thor. Thor has relented and now searches the kitchen for quesadilla droppings, Milo is victoriously (and with Dora-esque volume. . . ) singing the We Did It Song, and Ben is shot-putting the paper bowls package against the closet doors.
So, you know, SNAFU. Situation Normal: Always Freaking Unreal
posted by Chris at
1:54 PM
2 Comments:
Glad everyone is still alive :)
Don't worry about the hay. If it stresses you out, just lay them in a line against the base of the retaining wall. I'll spread it out where it needs to go when I get home. I was too busy making sure you all had clean underpants before I left to do anything with the hay then.
c, having my own dude experience. Not so much a dude-a-palooza as a 2-not-so-live crew. We got up, got mom off to work, took a nap, went to a nursing home to personally thank those who would knit UAB's(see AK's blog on this topic, took a nap, went to check out day care, took a nap, went to get soup, took a nap. Being 4 months must be freaking exhausting. He takes two naps before he takes two naps, and then he takes two more.
j
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